Childhood anxiety is part of growing up, not always a problem to fix.
Each stage of childhood brings new fears that help children learn new lessons.
Understanding how anxiety develops can help parents respond with patience and understanding.
Is your easygoing child suddenly clinging to you at school and worrying incessantly? You may be confused and wonder how this happened.
Oddly enough, what seems like an abrupt change may be nothing more than a stage they are going through.
Each stage changes not only how your child interprets the world but also how they might be afraid of it. That doesn’t mean anything is broken. It could just mean they’re noticing things they hadn’t noticed before.
Instead of assuming the worst, it can help to pause and see this as a natural part of childhood.
This article looks at childhood anxiety and how children’s fears change as they grow, and with the right help, they can develop more confidence as they move through it.
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Experiencing childhood anxiety is a normal and important part of development (National Health Service, 2023). Without a lifetime of experience to draw from, children often feel uncertain about themselves and their world (Cleveland Clinic, 2023).
As such, children are in a perpetual state of observing, assessing, and applying all the information they are taking in. They do not yet have the developmental ability to understand everything that is happening, so they take their cues from the people around them and from their own experiences.
Take snakes, for example. Many children are afraid of them. If a child sees one, their natural reaction may be to jump back and run away. That is a typical response that helps children learn what seems safe and what doesn’t.
Seen through this developmental lens, childhood anxiety is not automatically a sign that something is wrong. Some scary moments might feel overwhelming, and this is understandable.
However, childhood anxiety is a necessary part of growth, as it helps them develop more awareness and self-regulation skills and build confidence to handle unfamiliar situations (National Health Service, 2023).
The goal, therefore, is not to eliminate fear entirely nor to avoid situations that might trigger anxiety symptoms. Rather, the goal is to understand anxiety as a tool that helps children grow into the skills and beliefs they need to navigate life.
How Anxiety Changes as Children Grow
As a child’s world expands, the things they worry about often shift too. A fear of the dark at age four may morph into a fear of making new friends at age 12.
With more independence and awareness comes a new perspective from which to interpret their experiences. These changing worries offer insight into their unique stage of development (Lurie Children’s Hospital, 2023).
A child’s fears often make more sense when we understand their developmental stages. Young children commonly struggle with separation because they don’t trust or understand that someone will return (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, n.d.). They may be clingy and emotional because of this fear.
Preschoolers, on the other hand, are often afraid of the dark or imaginary creatures, as their fantasy world is greater than their logical reasoning. Older children worry less about monsters but struggle with fears about belonging, performance at school, and making new friends. Teens, with concerns about their identity, can become anxious about how others perceive them and uncertainty about their future.
Each fear children confront and overcome provides a useful lesson in their growth and development. They gain confidence in themselves, which they carry into the next chapter of their lives.
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Why Anxiety Naturally Grows as Children Grow
Anxiety during childhood shifts because a child’s inner world is developing. They’re becoming more aware and gaining independence. With these changes comes a different set of fears that match their growth (American Academy of Family Physicians, 2022).
There are three aspects of development that can influence these changes:
Imagination
Young children are gifted with the ability to live in a world of imagination and fantasy. Their imagination can create images that blossom and delight. Their imagination can also be frightening and scary. A monster might lurk in the shadows or behind the curtains. An unfamiliar noise could be a sign of danger. Their inner fantasy world can take them to places where their developing logic can’t quite pull them back from those ideas.
Awareness
As children become older, their awareness of themselves and the world around them increases. Their earlier worries are replaced by fears about rules, social expectations, and friendships. They compare themselves to others and worry about fitting in, performing well, or how others perceive them.
Independence
The desire to be more independent, spend more time away from parents, and confront situations without adult support is another natural stage of childhood. New classrooms, new peers, and unfamiliar environments can produce anxiety simply because children are practicing what it feels like to manage things on their own (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2024).
Observing anxiety in a child can be challenging for parents. What might seem like “more anxiety” could be a sign of progress in a child.
How is that the case?
More awareness translates into more capability of understanding risk, consequences, and relationships (American Academy of Family Physicians, 2022).
In this sense, childhood anxiety reflects growth, not weakness. The more parents can adopt this mindset, the easier it is to support children instead of reacting out of anger or frustration.
How Parents Can Support Healthy Development
Regardless of the developmental stage, children don’t need perfect solutions to their fears. What they need is consistent and calm support from adults who help them feel safe.
The goal is not to remove fear or protect children from every discomfort. It’s to help them learn they can handle hard feelings with support instead of avoiding them. Some helpful approaches parents can adopt include the following:
Validate before fixing
If your child is struggling with anxiety, avoid trying to talk them out of it. If your preteen is clinging to you at a party, it’s tempting to say, “You’re fine. These are your friends. You can be friendly.”
However, this usually diminishes their experience. Whereas, saying, “I know this is tough” helps them feel understood instead of dismissed. A simple acknowledgment goes a long way in helping them relax and calm their nervous system (National Institute of Mental Health 2023).
Model calm
One of the most helpful things parents can do to support their child through childhood anxiety is to model the behavior they hope to see in their child.
How parents react greatly influences their children. Slowing down, taking long breaths, and using a softer voice with a steady presence can help children settle too.
Reduce avoidance
When your child is begging you to stay at home and not try the new activity, it’s easy to give in and avoid the situation.
Instead, take small, manageable steps toward what scares them. If it’s a new activity, start by simply driving by or taking a quick look inside.
Use playfulness and humor
When a child is acting out or refusing to budge, frustration can easily take over. Practice responding with playfulness.
A lighthearted comment can radically shift the tone and soften the moment. Playfulness doesn’t stop the fear, but it can provide some space to pause and try again.
Maintain predictability
An unexpected change in routine is often a cause for a child’s anxiety to flare up. Sudden shifts can create frustration, confusion, and stress for an anxious child.
The more clarity and certainty around routines and transitions, the easier it will be for your child. Predictability and familiarity reduce fear.
A Take-Home Message
Childhood anxiety is normal and natural. In fact, it is critical to their developing emotional growth. When adults understand the developmental stages behind a child’s fears, the more they can respond with empathy instead of alarm.
With calm, consistent support, children can learn that fear is something they can face with confidence and not something they need to avoid.
Do all children experience childhood anxiety at some point?
Yes. Nearly all children move through phases of worry or fear tied to their developmental stage. These are usually temporary and part of normal emotional growth.
Is it normal for children to have fears that don’t seem logical?
Yes. Children often react to the world based on imagination rather than logic. Their fears usually match their stage of development, even if it doesn’t seem logical to an adult. What looks illogical to adults often makes perfect sense to a child who is still learning how to make sense of new experiences.
Julie Cobalt, is a mediator, conflict coach, and U.S.-trained attorney with more than twenty-five years of experience helping individuals and families navigate high-emotion and relational conflict.
Julie’s writing on conflict, communication, emotional resilience, and intercultural understanding has been featured in a variety of international publications. She divides her time between Dubai and San Diego and works with clients internationally.
Is your easygoing child suddenly clinging to you at school and worrying incessantly? You may be confused and wonder how this happened.
As a child’s world expands, the things they worry about often shift too. A fear of the dark at age four may morph into a fear of making new friends at age 12.
Regardless of the developmental stage, children don’t need perfect solutions to their fears. What they need is consistent and calm support from adults who help them feel safe.
